This Storm Will Pass: Anger

The door slammed causing everything in the house to jolt in surprise.  Picture frames hung on the wall swayed back and forth.  A few of the piano keys chimed in unison.  The loud echo of the slam, still ringing in all of our ears, caused us to freeze where we were.  Moments following this we heard loud crashing of objects being thrown at the door and walls of Teage’s bedroom.  Ashlee and I both stopped preparing lunch and prepared ourselves for what we would have to combat.  Everything seemed as it was moving in slow motion as Ashlee quickly opened the door and slid into Teage’s room.  I waited in the family room feeling frantic and uneasy.  I quickly picked up Tytus and watched the girls as they were on the kitchen floor reading through books and playing with dolls.  Shouting came from the room; shouts of anger, fear and heartbreak.  Tension rose in the room so I quickly walked over to the CD player and turned on the CD we always listened to during broken moments like these.  The screaming got louder as well as the pleading and cries from a young boy.  I recognized the affect it was having on the rest of the children and me as I became aware of the darting eyes filled with fear and confusion.  I increased the volume once more on the CD player.

 Within only a few brief moments following that, Kaleeya took some of Bostyn and Bailey’s toys from them and refused to give them back.  Bailey and Bostyn already on an emotional roller coaster shouted out in anger and quickly pulled the toys out of Kaleeya’s hand.  Not missing a beat in the drama, Kaleeya wound her hand back and slapped Bailey hard in the face.  Just at that moment Ashlee walked out, snatched Kaleeya up and took her up to her room to talk.  There was yet another door slam.  I now sat in a room of crying children and questioned to myself, how are we ever going to make it through this day.  I silently pleaded to my Heavenly Father that I would be given the strength and words to face this day.  I comforted Bailey, and sent her and Bostyn into another room to play.  I put Tytus down in his swing, and stood prepared and ready for what I would next have to face.  I stood outside of Teage’s door as I heard small hands hitting the surface of the wood.  As my shaking hand clung to the handle on the door I awaited the right moment to enter.  Right as my gripping hand began to turn the handle, Ashlee came bounding down the stairs as tears flooded her eyes.  She looked at me and silently screamed, “I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!! WHY US? WHY THEM,” pointing to her children.  She then sprinted to her room and another door was closed.

I stepped away from Teage’s room not knowing where to enter at this point.  Anger filled that home, bounded against every wall, and into every gap of the home.  Anger even filled my heart.  I sat down all of a sudden feeling exhausted, betrayed, and frustrated.  In watching the outburst of anger in the home, I too had become angry.  Angry with Emmett for not recognizing what he had.  Angry with the choices he had made.  Angry with the choices of the man holding the gun that night.  Angry with the investigators for not having all of the answers, angry with the questions of where I was and what I was supposed to be doing.  Why them? Why us? Why me? 

The front door opened and quickly slammed.  I looked up to see Ali walking around the corner the tears streaming down her face.  She walked quickly past me and made her way into the closet to sit and hold Ashlee as they both held each other in frustration and sadness.

This was by far the most memorable and hardest day for me at Ashlee’s house.  It was worse than any nightmare or situation that I could have thought up in my mind.  The light had diminished and darkness was prevalent in the home.  Anger is such a real and strong emotion.  If you have felt anger in moments of dealing with death, sickness, divorces, or moments of betrayal, know that you are not alone.  It is normal for everyone to go through this stage.  In this stage our mind is beginning to step out of the stages of denial, and it is the first stage of addressing the actual problem and making sense of our situation.

Generally when we confront moments of anger we are quick to ask the “Why” questions.  For those of you who have felt anger or are feeling anger at this time, know that it is normal.  It is OK to ask why, just don’t get stuck in the whys.  This stage of anger generally comes with a realization and a frustration as your mind tries to make sense of the situation you are confronted with.  If someone around you is angry at this time, have patience and consistently love them. So many times we want to have all the answers to fix problems.  This is not one of those easily fixed problems, but here are a few things you can do.

1.       Let them know that you love them unconditionally no matter what.

2.       Be patient with them.

3.       Allow them to feel angry, but don’t allow them to stay in that stage.

a.       Help them get active again

b.      Help them stay positive about their future

c.       Find things everyday to be grateful for

d.      Help them recognize their strength and their need to move on

4.       Give them space and time

5.       If they feel a pity party is necessary, allow it, but know when to intervene.

6.       Always address someone full of anger calmly; you don’t need to make things worse.

If you feel stuck in the stages of anger, find ways to get out of it.  It might be running it out at the gym, or writing down every hateful or fury driven thought so that it is no longer weighing on your mind.  Know that you can do this and that there are great things ahead.  Free yourself from this burden and allow yourself to live.  Anger just weighs you down and is a poison to all around it.  Get rid of it and know this storm will pass.